Cheese Fridge

Someone entered my room on drugs, and they gave us an entire cheesecake. Not knowing what else to do, we placed it in our fridge. In retrospect, we should have thrown the mysterious, narcotic-enabled thing out; we had no intent to facilitate its hasty narf, nor did any of our guests, legion in number, take any particular interest in the frosted thing. As money-grubbing, hobo-like college students, however, it takes a healthy bit of tenacity to simply toss out any respectable amount of food, especially when it’s given to you in such generous supply to begin with. This mindset is more or less explained in this recent WSN article about a dumbass that almost killed himself eating an abandoned muffin.

Anyway, the point is, some fool bastard unplugged our fridge days ago and now the damn thing smells like a shit quesadilla filled with vomit and goat anus. During operation “Throw the demon cake the fuck out,” it struck back against its human masters and excreted some vile cheese juice all over the unit and now there is just this musk of smegma-queef being pumped into my dorm room 24/7 and there is a giant moth flying all over the God damn place and fuck what is that growing under my bed

6 more days. I’ll miss it.